52: I hate how I look today. What next?

00:00:00:05 - 00:00:24:09

Lyndi

Okay. I would like to tell you, your your weight is not the problem. It really isn't. I know you've been made to think your weight is a problem your entire life, but honestly, it's just been a red herring making you focus on diets that really suck and your weight is not. The problem is the title of my new book and I would really like you to read it if you've ever been made to feel like you need to worry about your weight that you're fixating on your weight is going to help you lose weight, which is nonsense.

00:00:24:16 - 00:00:43:16

Lyndi

This is the book you need to read. We tackle body image. We help you with practical strategies to feel normal, relaxed, and freedom around food, which are all fabulous things you also deserve. Please go to my website, Lyndi Cohen dot com and check out my new book. It's available from all great retailers. Please check it out.

00:00:44:20 - 00:01:02:03

Jenna

Hello. This is the No Wellness Weekly podcast, a place for diet based to be dismembered, pulverized, pulverized. My name is Jenna D’Apice and I'm joined by dietitian nutritionist Lyndi Cohen. And on the quest.

00:01:02:10 - 00:01:24:12

Lyndi

We are on a quest quest to help you feel better in your body, to do things because you like yourself to do the healthy things, not because you're you're fearing that there's something wrong with you, but because you like the way it makes you feel. And so today's podcast episode is really it's about tangible things that you can do when you wake up and you go, I don't like how I look today.

00:01:24:20 - 00:01:43:00

Lyndi

I, you know, it could be, you know, you trying on clothes in the morning, whatever it is, you just wake up some days and you go, I didn't feel confident and I don't like my body and I need to lose weight. And let's unpack this and what we do because it's really important, because that body image day sure can derail our health.

00:01:43:14 - 00:02:04:09

Jenna

Because it can really these little triggers in these little things that can knock your confidence can make you wake up the next day being like, do you should I go on a diet? And even when you've been intuitive eating and working through things for such a long time, you can still be like, Oh, maybe my life would just be a little bit better if I weighed that little bit less.

00:02:04:09 - 00:02:25:16

Jenna

I was telling you before how I've been going really well, feeling really great in my body, feeling really comfortable around food. This past Christmas was like one of the first Christmases that I just really felt really comfortable around food. I wasn't overeating to the point of feeling stuffed because I was allowing myself to avoid things and I was feeling great, feeling amazing.

00:02:25:24 - 00:02:53:12

Jenna

And then I went to a waterpark over Christmas and lined up for like 40 minutes for this ride to get to the top and have to stand on a scale and like a red light went because me and my partner were too heavy for the ride. Horrifying, horrifying. And it was the most horrifying because at the bottom of the ride, I'd already seen the weight limit, and I had done these mental calculations about how much I thought we both weighed.

00:02:53:13 - 00:02:59:05

Lyndi

Do you spend the whole time? I like being in the key, trying to work out as well. Or did you just know? I was like.

00:02:59:05 - 00:03:20:16

Jenna

Oh no, that'll be fine. Wasn't fine. And then obviously made me feel terrible when she was like, Unfortunately not. And it just annoyed me how now that I'm out of it, it's like, that was a ride probably for children, hence why we were over the weight limit. Like it's meant for like an adult with their child. So when there's two adults, you're going to be bigger.

00:03:20:16 - 00:03:28:24

Jenna

But at the time I felt the immediate knock to my confidence and the immediate urge to want to go on a diet. And I think, could you.

00:03:28:24 - 00:03:33:06

Lyndi

Break that spell while you're at the theme park or did it kind of take. No, no.

00:03:33:17 - 00:03:57:12

Jenna

Not at the same parts. Like I remember I was just so upset and down on myself. But I think the coming through it, knowing that I have so many more tools in my tool kit now, was so much easier to ride the wave of just not having to change anything about myself. Like I could feel myself wanting to die and then I could feel myself wanting to binge eat.

00:03:57:18 - 00:04:15:03

Jenna

And all of these things instantly felt like as soon as I got down there and I knew that I had way too much, I was like, Should I get an ice cream? Like all of that? And I could trigger notice all these things happening in my brain. And I think when you can see them, you can be like, Oh, I'm just going to ride this wave out.

00:04:15:07 - 00:04:20:13

Jenna

Just because I'm feeling bad in my body right now doesn't mean I have to change myself.

00:04:20:16 - 00:04:39:15

Lyndi

So you're spelling it out to us because this is this is what we should be doing. When you live in a world that's constantly telling you you're not thin or pretty or good enough, you're going to have bad body image days. It doesn't matter what you weigh, you have to be that your weight, lightest weight. And you have had bad body image days and you've been at your heaviest weight and had bad body image day.

00:04:39:15 - 00:05:10:07

Lyndi

So actually a bad body image isn't a reflection of what you weigh. It is a reflection of how you feel about yourself based on the distorted norms that we've been told about, how we meant to look. So I think just recognizing that is a really important thing, but then noticing how I react when I have a bad body image day matters a whole heap is about body image day going to derail my health, going to propel me into a diet that's going to make my weight more of a feel like more of a problem than it's ever felt or am I going to be able to go, I see what's happening.

00:05:10:07 - 00:05:15:24

Lyndi

I know this old familiar pattern, and I'm going to choose to react in a different way, which is what you did choose to do.

00:05:16:04 - 00:05:20:13

Jenna

This is it noticing the thought patterns in your brain is such a powerful first step.

00:05:21:04 - 00:05:39:21

Lyndi

So I have a similar story. I'm recording this. I'm like 36 weeks pregnant somewhere around the middle of like when it's your second pregnancy, you get really pretty pregnant pretty quickly. And I was getting these triggering comments from people being like, Oh, wow, I must be just a few weeks old. And I'm like, I'm 20 weeks pregnant, you know, a few weeks off.

00:05:39:21 - 00:05:57:21

Lyndi

It's really ages. And, you know, it can be a hard time because your body is expanding. The world tells you that small is best and even if you're pregnant, you can try justify it. I go to my obstetrics appointments and I know you should want to ask me like what my weight is and and not that it was ever, you know, it just is what it is.

00:05:57:24 - 00:06:14:13

Lyndi

But the part of my brain which tells me that I should weigh less was popping up and giving me a few bad body image days. And like you said, the moment I had these feelings of, you know, I should just try and like curb my weight, gain a little bit, just try like a healthy amount of weight to gain.

00:06:14:17 - 00:06:35:07

Lyndi

Yeah. The minute I have those thoughts, my brain just latched onto the idea of eating more. Yeah, it's like suddenly food was constantly in my brain. I felt more out of control around food than I felt in a very long time. And what I was able to do is to notice, okay, I see what's happening. I've, you know, I'm letting this idea.

00:06:35:07 - 00:06:36:15

Jenna

Fade down this path before.

00:06:37:03 - 00:06:53:02

Lyndi

Then. My weight needs to be controlled and it's having a really negative impact on my eating and my food and it's quite instantaneous. And then I did some thinking where I was like, You know what, Lyndi, you're going to gain as much weight as you need to. Your body looks exactly how it needs to, and you just need to listen to your appetite.

00:06:53:02 - 00:07:08:08

Lyndi

And that's going to guide you about how much energy you need. And it came back to all the principles that we talk about, and it was like this breathe again. Suddenly, as you know, I was kind of like, Oh, upside, I forgot to have a snack there, you know, like, whereas before I'd been like trying to think too much about it.

00:07:08:08 - 00:07:24:09

Lyndi

So I think that is a really important thing. Can we first notice when this negative thinking is is tripping us up? And I think we need to recognize that. I think and I talk about this a lot in my book, Your Weight is not the problem. This idea we have that we can shame ourselves into losing weight, that.

00:07:24:13 - 00:07:25:07

Jenna

It doesn't work.

00:07:25:07 - 00:07:32:01

Lyndi

Self-Blame and taking unflattering the full photos and self-loathing is going to actually help.

00:07:32:01 - 00:07:36:07

Jenna

Us find clothes that are too small to you to motivate you to fit into them.

00:07:37:06 - 00:07:43:12

Lyndi

Posting up photos of yourself where you look awful, you know, from terrible angles and going, this will make me.

00:07:43:17 - 00:07:48:24

Jenna

Yeah, this will make me say accountable because I'm putting it on the internet now, which.

00:07:48:24 - 00:07:55:01

Lyndi

Is the equivalent. Yeah, exactly. Telling everyone that I'm doing this is going to motivate me or or putting fit spo and looking all these Fitbit.

00:07:55:08 - 00:07:58:22

Jenna

Recruiting people worth to be food police because that will help me.

00:07:58:23 - 00:08:17:05

Lyndi

Exactly all this stuff we think this helps is doesn't help I talk about self and we can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves to be like there is so many reasons that you can't shave yourself into losing weight. One of which is if the reason you're losing weight is because you hate your body, then what happens is as you lose weight, assumedly you should hate your body less.

00:08:17:05 - 00:08:28:23

Lyndi

Then you get to the point where everyone tells you your body is now acceptable. And then the self shame, the shame and the blame that's gone. So now do you keep doing all the things that got you to lose weight in the first place? You don't.

00:08:29:06 - 00:08:29:19

Jenna

Know.

00:08:29:20 - 00:08:31:06

Lyndi

If you start feeling those things.

00:08:31:14 - 00:08:41:10

Jenna

But also you can't. Just once you lose all this weight and everyone tells you such doing doing such an amazing job, that that doesn't just flick off that I hate my body switch. Yeah.

00:08:42:00 - 00:08:43:02

Lyndi

Because there's always something more.

00:08:43:03 - 00:08:44:00

Jenna

There's always something more.

00:08:44:00 - 00:08:57:19

Lyndi

I've never gotten to a point where I was so thin that I was like, I couldn't, you know? And I've gotten to a point where I was very thin and people would tell me I looked bad at that point, and I was like, I know I definitely can still fix my body and change it and lose weight. And this is wrong.

00:08:58:01 - 00:09:14:24

Lyndi

So I don't think I don't think this is the thing to realize. This body image, a bad body image day isn't a reflection of your body and your worth. I did this thing where I checked my period for nine months. I've talked about it a lot, but definitely that week before my period, shitty body image, I just did not like how I looked.

00:09:15:06 - 00:09:34:01

Lyndi

I just I didn't like I don't like how I look and I just know knowing what's causing the bad body image day in negative self-talk is really important. So for you, it was the experience of going on the slide that was made for children or whoever it was. I don't know who I am. It's the experience of me, of pregnancy.

00:09:34:02 - 00:09:43:08

Lyndi

It could be your period. It could be hitting menopause. It could be trying on clothes that don't fit you and your wardrobe. It could be underwear that just right up your bottom.

00:09:43:08 - 00:09:45:15

Jenna

And just underwear is a big one.

00:09:46:18 - 00:10:04:02

Lyndi

It could be weighing yourself. And I know we often think, well, if I weigh myself, it'll help me motivate me to lose weight. No, that's going back. This whole idea of shaming yourself, it actually isn't motivating if you have the experience of weight. Myself and I think I haven't even lost enough weight. And you ever then eaten more.

00:10:04:02 - 00:10:25:21

Lyndi

That's just proof that weigh yourself is not good motivation. No innovation. If you've felt guilty for eating too much, if you've caught a reflection of yourself in the mirror where you don't like how you look or see the bad, that quote unquote photo of yourself, these can all be things that contribute to bad body image. So I think sometimes just going oh that's what did it that's that it it well.

00:10:26:08 - 00:10:29:07

Jenna

It's not my fault, it's an external factor.

00:10:29:10 - 00:10:51:10

Lyndi

And external factors are first steps like awareness of that external factor. The next important thing is we resist that urge to diet and compensate. So if we understand that compensating, trying to compensate for bad body shape, what I mean by that is under eating or over exercising or going on a diet or creating more lists of food rules, that that is actually more likely to lead to weight gain as opposed to weight loss in the long term.

00:10:51:10 - 00:11:14:13

Lyndi

That's an important thing to recognize that you try that approach. It doesn't work. I think that is really important. And then what we do is we go, what are we going to do right now to make ourselves feel better? And there's got to be something, okay. So personally, what I do when I notice that I'm in that faulty thinking, oh my God, tough day today, I don't create a list of things to do that I want to fix it.

00:11:14:13 - 00:11:30:01

Lyndi

I try to fix myself. I don't see myself as broken. I recognize that there's a lot of pressures on me to look a certain way. I actually do. You know what? Maybe you just need to go rest for a bit, go take myself to my bed, put on something I want to watch and just, like, have a moment.

00:11:30:14 - 00:11:47:01

Lyndi

Even if it is emotional eating, I'm at the point now where I can go, You know what? I'm just going to emotionally eat. And I have something and I have what I really feel like and I finish it and it's done. It's good. I don't let it become this whole like thing of all. I shouldn't emotionally right now, but sometimes it's like, you know, it's what I need.

00:11:47:01 - 00:12:08:08

Lyndi

And without the guilt and the shame and the resistance around it, it can just be exactly what it needs to be. And then you move on and the whole situation can kind of feel fine. But annoyed about emotional eating is that food is used for multiple things, so for energy, enjoyment and also for emotional coping, we can have a whole bunch of coping strategies that we use to deal with tricky situations.

00:12:08:08 - 00:12:13:04

Lyndi

So many of us who've been dieting, emotional eating is our primary coping strategy.

00:12:13:07 - 00:12:14:22

Jenna

You need a lot of strategies.

00:12:14:22 - 00:12:29:17

Lyndi

That's it. So I'm not saying I'm not saying we have to eliminate it so we can't be one of our coping strategies. It just can't be the only coping strategy. We need to have a whole bunch of coping strategies that we use. And I'd like you to, you know, just think about that whole system of coping strategies. Do you need to sleep more?

00:12:29:21 - 00:12:48:09

Lyndi

That's often a trigger for me or I'm not getting enough sleep. As I start, every I doubt everything. So you need to work on your sleep. I The other thing I'll do for that immediate relief when I'm having a bad body image days, I'll go for a walk. And I'm not saying this, you know, dieted old me would have been like, oh, you generally say that they lose weight.

00:12:48:09 - 00:13:08:16

Lyndi

It's got nothing to do with weight, exercise and moving your body, even in gentle ways, has a miraculous ability to almost instantly transform your mood and put you in a new headspace, a new mindset. I have my Body Confidence playlist, which I can put in the show notes, and it is what I was to actually listen to all the time.

00:13:09:13 - 00:13:32:10

Lyndi

And it's yeah. So it's, it's had a, it's a songs that make you realize that the world is stacked against us in our weight and that you're worthy of being liked and liking yourself. And it's feel good and it, it never ceases to help switch my mood around and remind me of the things I already know, that I am intrinsically worthy and my body is just fine.

00:13:32:10 - 00:13:33:00

Lyndi

The way this.

00:13:33:08 - 00:13:54:03

Jenna

Music is a very powerful thing to do, and I think it's a lot of just riding the bed, body image day wave and knowing it's going to pass. There are things you can do. You can go for a walk, listen to music, rest. Maybe your schedule is too jam packed in your life and you need to maybe take some things out to allow more space for yourself.

00:13:54:14 - 00:14:00:10

Jenna

There's a million things you can do that aren't going on a diet and realizing you're not the problem.

00:14:00:21 - 00:14:18:12

Lyndi

Yeah, I love this idea that your body's constantly trying to communicate to you and rather than saying that body mistake is a sign that your body is flawed, seeing it as like something else needs to change and it's like, okay, thank you for letting me know that something I'm pushing myself too hard in one area or expecting too much of myself in one area.

00:14:18:21 - 00:14:24:24

Lyndi

And I think there's something so relieving and just being like breathing in this. This is what it is right now.

00:14:25:05 - 00:14:44:18

Jenna

It is what it is right now. And I, in the journey that I am with intuitive eating, it's accepting that there's so many good parts of my life right now. I'm sleeping really well. I feel energized. I'm doing all these things that I didn't have when I was at a different weight. So it's accepting that my body is really comfortable at this weight.

00:14:44:18 - 00:14:58:15

Jenna

And even if I don't like how it looks when I walk past a shop window sometimes that's because I've been conditioned to think that that's not the right way to look, not because my body isn't where it wants to be.

00:14:58:15 - 00:15:20:13

Lyndi

Yeah, I love this. And the thing I want to leave you with is the primary reminder that don't let a bad body image day derail your health. We live in a world that tells us it's better to be thin and it's okay to sacrifice your wellbeing to get there. I don't believe that. I believe your health and falling asleep easily at night and liking who you are is the most incredible thing to.

00:15:21:06 - 00:15:38:14

Lyndi

It's the biggest gift. That is what success is to me. Someone who's confident, who likes themselves, Oh, you can't beat that. Just follow Ashley Graham on Instagram and you'll be like, Oh, this is a woman who likes herself and liberating. And so nice to see those sacrifices. 95% of your life to wear 5% less. That is my advice.

00:15:39:06 - 00:16:06:13

Lyndi

May we all have to have that body image stays with diet culture on the decline. And if you want to help us in that mission, go over to the podcast and give it a five star. So more people who are currently in the diet on set can learn about this lovely podcast and tell your friends, especially those who are very caught up in the diet cycle, maybe they could benefit from liking themselves and getting fewer bad body image days, maybe as a as a positive outlook on life.

00:16:06:21 - 00:16:17:22

Jenna

And even when they come, they'll have the tools to write them out. Thank you so much for listening. If you have any comments, feedback, questions, nude, underscore or nutritionist is Lyndi's Instagram page. Thank you so much.

00:16:17:22 - 00:16:19:23

Lyndi

Much.

00:16:24:13 - 00:16:25:01

Lyndi

Hey, everyone.

00:16:25:01 - 00:16:43:03

Lyndi

And before we get started in the podcast episode, I just want to tell you a little bit about how I might be able to help you if you want to get a healthy relationship with food because oh my goodness, there's a whole lot of stuff that's working against us all the time. Hello, diet, culture. So if you ever wanted a little bit more personalized support, check out my program.

00:16:43:03 - 00:16:59:01

Lyndi

Keep it real. Especially if you're struggling with binge eating. If you feel like every Monday you starting from scratch, if you feel like you know what you should be eating, but you just can't stick to it if you feel like you want to eat healthier. But honestly, it just feels like you're out of control through your face planting into the fragile pantry.

00:16:59:01 - 00:17:26:24

Lyndi

I can help you binge either. I really do. I do. Get it. So check out Keep it real. Use the code podcast to get 20% off if you if you get it via the the website. And also I also got my app called Back to basics. Back to basics is an app to help you be healthy without dieting and help you work on your body image gives you a whole bunch of hundreds of recipes that are super quick and easy to make so you can just be healthy without having to get obsessed with that at all, without it taking over your life.

00:17:26:24 - 00:17:47:22

Lyndi

Because that's the way it should be. Plus, you get mindset support for me inside the app. You also get a whole bunch of workouts that you can do at home. You can still just do your normal workouts, but check out back to basics. You can get it for free for seven days. Check out Back to Basics on my website, use the code again podcast, get 20% off and I'd love to see in there.

00:17:47:22 - 00:17:48:22

Lyndi

I'd love to see in there.